


Tell Me What You Want to Feel

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, Asexual Character, How do I tag this???, M/M, masturbation mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 16:28:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3817177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asexual!phil going through his life until he meets dan</p><p>'The first time someone expected sex from him was with his first girlfriend, Sarah. Her parents were away and she had invited him over and when they were making out her hands started trailing towards his pants and his head was spinning and how did he stop this there is another person's tongue in his mouth he doesn't want it he doesn't want it he doesn't want it.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me What You Want to Feel

Phil has known he doesn't like sex since the age of 14 when his friend brought a porno to a sleepover and suggested they watch it. All it did was make him extremely uncomfortable and sick to his stomach and how could anyone enjoy this.

The first time someone expected sex from him was with his first girlfriend, Sarah. Her parents were away and she had invited him over and when they were making out her hands started trailing towards his pants and his head was spinning and how did he stop this there is another person's tongue in his mouth he doesn't want it he doesn't want it he doesn't want it.

And so he pushes her away and scrambles to stand up and says “I have to leave” and runs home as fast as he can because why would someone want that. Sarah breaks up with him at school the next day and spreads rumours about him cheating on her and he doesn't know how to tell her that he just doesn't want that.

\-----

He tries to watch porn because that is what Normal teenage boys do and Phil wants to be Normal with a capital n and a full stop, but all he can see is the woman's dead eyes staring straight at him and he doesn't find this enjoyable at all.

Phil gets off sometimes because what else can he do when he wakes up with morning wood that won't go away and he doesn't think of a person whilst doing it and his mind is weirdly blank. Phil thinks that if he could get off without it being seen as a sexual thing he'd feel better about it. 

\-----

When Phil starts interacting with a boy whose been tweeting him nonstop for the past few weeks he can feel his heart start to flutter. He smiles when Dan tweets him dumb things like ‘I want to be there so you don't have to be brave’, and Phil Wants this boy but he thinks this boy can never want him when his body doesn't work as it should.

They gradually grow closer, Phil and this boy made of sunshine, and they flirt a lot and sometimes Dan pushes his shirt up by putting his hand up it and all phil can think is that he want to kiss his tummy and tickle him until his face is bright red from giggling. Phil is unsure of how Dan would react to him saying that so Phil says nothing.

Dan has been Skyping with him almost everyday for almost two months now, talking until 4am when Dan states that “Shit I've got an exam tomorrow, I should go to bed,” so Phil smiles at him tiredly and they bid each other goodnight, but right before Dan hangs up Phil hears him whisper “I think you’re my best friend.” Then Phil is left with nothing but silence and his thoughts so he texts Dan telling him that he’s Phil's best friend too with a heart emoji on the end. That night Phil falls asleep with a smile on his face and a content feeling resting in his stomach.

\-----

Its been at least three months since they started Skyping and Phils skin crawls in a pleasant way when he thinks about finally meeting Dan and Phil honestly wants nothing more than to beg the boy to come visit him. His parents tell him they're going out of town for the weekend and Phil thinks that this would be a grand opportunity to invite Dan to come stay. That night when Dan finally gets on Skype Phil calls him immediately and blurts out “Do you maybe want to come stay with me this weekend maybe kind of” and Phil’s looking at his lap and he can feel his face burning. Dans giggling a minute later makes him look up and Dan’s biting his lip shyly and Phil wants to kiss his nose. 

Dan says “of course I want to come see you, dumbass,” and keeps giggling at the stupid grin slowly overtaking Phils face. The butterflies in his stomach have turned into moths with knives and he thinks he might be sick and excitement is slowly filling his entire being because he's finally going to meet Dan. Dan the boy with skin made from sunshine and a laugh that fills Phil with happiness actually wants to meet him. 

 

So they spend the next three hours planning and Dan begs his mother to let him go and tells her that he's a goddamn adult now and can do what he wants. Phil thinks his mother has a good reason to worry, her son is going to go see a strange older man after all. Next thing Phil knows the sun is rising and Dan has fallen asleep whilst Skyping him. Phil takes a screenshot before deciding he should probably sleep too. He doesn't want to hang up though, so he puts his laptop on the bedside table and falls asleep watching the rise and fall of Dans chest. When they wake the next morning both their laptops are almost dead and Phil has never seen anything as cute as Dans curly bed hair before.

A week later and Dan is on the train to Manchester and Phil has been texting him constantly since he got on it. Phil could feel the feelings of anxiety and nervousness crawling up his throat and all he wanted was for the train to hurry up and get here and oh god why was it taking so long.

And not even ten minutes late the train is pulling in and Phil isn't sure how he's supposed to act and there is a beautiful boy on that train whose hand Phil wants to hold. Suddenly the train doors are opening and people are streaming out and theres a six foot tall boy stepping out of the way and glancing around and when he spots Phil Dans entire face lights up and he’s running towards the older boy and almost knocking him over with the force of the hug he wraps him up in.

Phil laughs and he’s pretty sure there are tears falling down his cheeks but he just doesn't care because Dan is here and Dan is real and solid and oh my god Dan is hugging him. Phil leans down slightly and whispers into Dans ear “Ohmygosh you're real” and Dan laughs but it sounds wet so Phil pulls back slightly and sure enough there are tears rolling down the shorter's face so Phil lifts his hand to wipe them away, choking back tears of his own and laughing.

They probably look like complete idiots standing in the middle of a train station crying and people are staring so Phil grabs Dans hand and pulls him along until they reach Starbucks. Thats how they go about their day, Phil dragging dan by his hand and laughing and teasing each other.

When it finally became too late to still be out Phil took him back to his house, where they proceeded to play Mario Kart until Phil started getting pouty about Dan beating him, so he tackled the brunet and started tickling him.

Phil didn't know that he needed to see Dan crying from laughter until its happening. The older couldn't help but start laughing too because this was his best friend and he was here and he was real. Phil is still leaning over Dan and their laughter is dying into giggles while he’s still panting and trying to gain his breath back and now they’re just staring into each others eyes. All of a sudden Dan is leaning up and his eyes are fluttering closed and oh my god is Dan going to kiss him? So Phil closes the gap and Dans lips are chapped and warm and he smells like home.

They go up to Phil's room after making out on the floor until they were breathless and giggling. Phil attempts to cuddle up to Dan on his bed but his bed isn't exactly big and they’re both over 6 feet tall, so their legs hang over the side a bit but that doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that Dans hand is gently stroking through Phils hair and his left hand is linked with Phils right. 

“I think I could fall in love with you” Phil breathes out across the brunets cheekbone.

“I hope you do.” Dan whispers back smiling softly in the faint light coming in from the windows.

They fall asleep like that, still dressed and tangled together with almost no space between them

\----- 

The next morning Phil wakes up to Dan's cock digging into his thigh, and oh god he doesn't know how to deal with this what if Dan wants to- 

His panicking is interrupted by the sound of Dan groaning and slowly sitting up, looking over at Phil and smiling in the early morning light, before the realisation dawns on his face and he quickly shoves a pillow in his lap, blushing harder than Phil has ever seen. 

“Oh my god Phil I'm so so sorry I didn't mean to- I-I mean I shouldn't have- I'm-m so-” Dan cuts himself off seeming extremely embarrassed and Phil wants nothing more than to pull him closer and tell him its okay but Phil is still suffocating and the thought of touching Dan is sending him into a downward spiral and oh god he might throw up.  
“I-I have to go I’ll-” Phil stammers before jumping up and running into the bathroom and oh god poor Dan he probably feels like shit why can't Phil just go and make him feel better. 

Phil showers and tries to wash away the guilt from hurting Dan because he didn't mean to but Dan was just too close. When he gets out and dries himself off, he decides he should apologise and explain and that if Dan wants nothing to do with him Phil can't be blamed for it.

When the older boy walked back into his room he stopped in the doorway, and could sobs and oh shit was dan crying because of him shit he'd fucked up. Phil entered the room and sat down on the bed throwing his arm around Dan and pulling him into Phil’s side.

“Im sorry love, I didn't mean to freak out on you I was just- it’s kinda hard to explain.” Phil murmured gently against Dans hair.

“Its okay if you don't want me phil, I'd rather you just tell me then lie” Dan said back, voice weak from crying.

“Oh god Dan no, its not that i don't want you- well it kinda is.” Phil drew in a quick breath “I just don't find anyone sexually attractive and I don't want anything to do with sex.”

Dan looked up at him, eyes red and puffy, and said “You're asexual? why didn't you tell me you twit, oh my gosh please tell me I haven't made you uncomfortable or made you think I'd want to do something if you didn’t!”

Phil, shocked by how easily Dan had taken it in, and by the fact he knew what asexuality was, merely quietly said back “I didn't know how you'd take it”

At this point Dan just tackles Phil, burying his face into Phil's neck, saying something about ‘having to talk more later and right now they should just cuddle’. So Phil pulls Dan closer and kisses his forehead, wondering how he could feel so happy. 

\----

Later in the day they have a three hour breakfast and eat way more than they should, they also talk about boundaries and what they both are/aren't okay with. Phil thinks he'll never fall in love with someone better than the boy made of sunshine sitting across from him throwing his head back with laughter.


End file.
